Worries & Wanting

Sometimes I worry about my life. I worry about my future. I worry about what I want, or the lack of wanting.

I think about people who know, who are certain and I wonder why I'm not. I worry if i should be. I think about how much time and commitment is involved in so many plans: grad school, internships, tuition. So much effort goes into building a future. But I dont know what I'm building yet.
Its like starting a house without a blue print.
There is a house in San Jose, called the winchester house. It's full of dead end hallways, stair cases to no where, windows over looking bedrooms, and doors that open to walls. Im afraid the future im building is going to be full of doors that open to walls and windows that have less than prime views.

The more I try to plan, and learn, and think about my future the more obscure it seems. I feel like there is a blurry object rushing towards me and I have no clue what to do. I just wish it were simple. That I knew. I wish there was a stone path laid out infront of me that I could happily skip down.

A profession, a hobby, a passion, an idea. anything.